ranetree: I am an intelligent, eloquent, well-mannered young woman who just so happens to say “fuck” a lot.
homleschapel: summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell
iwilleatyourenglish: iwilleatyourenglish: once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the...
morristibbs: IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE
gallifreyantimelady: gallifreyantimelady: my dad said that this knife he was looking at was too thin and i said ‘all the better to slit throats with’ and he didn’t even react he said that he’s used to hearing my satanic homicidal remarks
hungarian: it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
genies: i wish i was cute so that i could take selfies and not want to kill myself
dorfs: Woops my 10 minute study break turned into a whole year
xainagal: if someone says they dont want to be touched dont touch them dont fucking touch them actually dont touch them dont continue to fucking touch them after they make it clear they are uncomfortable THIS ISNT FUCKING HARD DONT FUCKING TOUCH THEM
feferezimoirail: dotehwindything: katnissandhersyringe: I think if a murderer wanted to lure me out of my room all they’d have to do is turn off my wifi cause sure as shit I’m gonna go see why it isn’t working now that this thought has been put forward, i will always make sure my router and modem are based in my room. no chances — my enemies are everywhere Turn my wifi off and the...
shutupmerlin: My grandmother grew up in this tiny village in Barbados, and she was the only kid in the village to have a cricket bat. She used to play with all the boys, but then they started stealing the bat every time she bought it out of the house and saying that she couldn’t play because girls shouldn’t play sport. So one day she invited them to come play cricket, then set fire to the bat...
thedramaticsneeze: hoshigumayuugi: i actually like being up early i just don’t like getting up early YOU PUT THIS IN WORDS
ex-cuse-u: i was browsing through ellen degeneres’ youtube videos and when i was watching her interview segments i noticed a trend where she keeps the comments enabled for all of her adult interviews but when she has a child on the show she disables any of the comments to protect the child from any bullying or negative feedback and that is why she and her team of producers are incredible
claydols: i hate one direction fans so much i need my whole room to cool down but no this damn thing only blows one way
beyonces-butt: I hate it when you’ve been really on edge for a while and then you have a breakdown over a little thing and everyone thinks that you’re getting super upset about not washing your hair
ppl who say my blog is good ppl who talk to me ppl who put up with my shit ppl who follow me kisses u all
one-man-armin: that nigga showed up 15 minutes late to the battlefield wanting to become hokage
felinebot: “tell my family i hate them, tell lindsay she was okay”
i’m jealous of people who have cute laughs and fast metabolisms and nice teeth and good hair and can just make any outfit look good and get along with everyone and are great at sports and do well in school bc none of that is me
comemorninglighte: sunsetmugging: captainodair: whats the html code for a social life <go> </outside> 404 error
bigstupidbaby: there is a simple answer to everything and its usually no
bibliobimbo: in my house there are only two water temperatures: winter is coming and fire cannot kill a dragon
squarekun: reckling-turtle: how far do i have to play in OFF before i get to the black and white teddy bear? the trolls don’t come in till act V, but the first four are really good too so don’t skip them!
how do celebrities just date normal unfamous people like where do they meet and how do they talk like does the normal person just say “hi i’m a huge fan of your music” and they bang or what how does that work and where do i sign up
ejacutastic: when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko